The Second Coming of the Infomercial

Remember the good old days when you could flip the channels on television and see Tony Little advertising that "gazelle" running thing, or the Juice Man with the eyebrows telling you that it was now possible to juice a radish whole!?  Well, those days are back!  

Have you noticed the recent surge in commercials selling items like the SlapChop (and Gratey), the diet program sponsored by Jillian Barberie and Marie Osmond, and Snuggie (King of them all)?  Apparently all of this is because corporations don't have any money.

The Slow Death of Good Commercials

Have you noticed lately on your television that there are a stunning number of crappy infomercial-quality ads running during prime time? That is because the fancy advertisers are broke. We live in Snuggie's world now.

The Simpsons last night was replete with ads for 5 Hour Energy that seemed to have been filmed in one take, in a locker room, with a Handicam. Fortunately the NYT today confirms that this isn't my imagination. The collapse of ad sales, and the decline of the auto industry, means that even regular networks—and even, sometimes, in prime time—are increasingly forced to plug empty spots with cheap ass infomercial standbys.

“I like to say that we’re getting beachfront property at trailer park prices,” [Infomercial guy] said. “We’re clearing stuff at prime time, which we almost never do.”

Print, radio and Internet companies also filled space with these ads. For example, a full-page ad for an Amish room heater has been running in USA Today and The Wall Street Journal.

Christ it's true, we've totally seen that! We're in for some dark days in television advertising, particularly. The lead story onAd Age's website right now: Snuggie. It's the hot new thing in marketing. We'll all be couch-bound Druids soon enough.

And there's also a real story on Snuggie:  Marketing's New Red-Hot Seller: Humble Snuggie. The point is that we'll continue to be inundated with commercials for sleeved blankets and decorative plant watering bulbs until corporations get money again.  Damnit.

Jesus H. Blagojevich!

Oh man, this guy makes me miss Kwame.  It's absolutely one of the worst thought out stunts in a long time, but he has decided to boycott his own impeachment trial, electing to take a media tour to proclaim his innocence instead.  I hope that the Illinois Senate gets cable.  

Rather than taking a path to prove his innocence, it seems he recognizes that he's done for and is attempting to martyr himself.  I bet it doesn't work.  He doesn't have much of a cross to carry, I don't think.

ONE of NPR's stories

But Blagojevich has been able to take some solace from his predicament. He told the network that when he was arrested on federal corruption charges last month, he was comforted by thinking of other jailed leaders, such as Nelson Mandela, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mohandas Gandhi.

He also compared himself to the Jimmy Stewart character in the Frank Capra classic, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, saying he's fighting against a "political-industrial complex."

I'm not sure where "industrial" fits into his complaint.  Maybe he was just trying to compare himself to Eisenhower as well.  Honestly, could this man's head get any bigger?  He appears to be an idiot to boot:

The governor told ABC he had considered the possibility of nominating Oprah Winfrey to fill Obama's seat."

She seemed to be someone who would help Barack Obama in a significant way become president," said Blagojevich, who had been discussing a replacement since before the November election. 

"She was obviously someone with a much broader bully pulpit than other senators."Blagojevich, 52, said he worried the appointment of Winfrey might come across as a gimmick and that the talk show host was unlikely to accept. In the end, Blagojevich appointed former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to the vacant seat.

The guy's trial is probably bogus and a stunt in itself.  And, it looks like he might have a legitimate complaint about the fairness of his trial rules:

Adam's outline also complains that trial rules bar calling anyone as a witness if federal prosecutors object that it would interfere with their criminal case. Blagojevich says that will keep him from calling witnesses who would help his case, such as President Obama's chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, who has said he talked with Blagojevich about Obama's U.S. Senate successor and the governor didn't suggest anything improper.

That being said, I don't think that Larry King has much of a say in the rules.  He probably shouldn't be removed from office even if he did talk about selling a senate seat unless there's proof that this happened. But, he's going to be because he's more concerned with making a scene than arguing his case like a grown up.  Instead of watching a government official justify his actions, we're going to watch a fool try and nail himself to a cross.

Local News = Stellar!

Don't worry.  The heroic veterinarian who volunteered his services "treated it with euthanasia."

Eulogy for a woodchuck
From Dori Pullan, Waterford Township:

December 24, 2008

Nov. 20, at 4:15 p.m., west of Decker on Maple Road, an inhumane coward ran over a beautiful young woodchuck and kept going. This driver is not worth the dirt that the blood spilled upon. My husband and I did not see the impact, just what followed. Several cars in front of us swerved to avoid hitting the animal again as it staggered and flipped about in pain.

We then blocked traffic with our car. Over 200 vehicles passed us. Many offered obscene gestures, language and frowns. Few stopped to help. Six heroes with true kind souls freely offered help.

One man stopped, took his toolbox, threw his tools onto his front seat and offered the box as a bed for the woodchuck. Two men came out of local businesses west of Decker offering help; both called 911. A woman stopped and gave us a very nice sweater for a blanket. A Walled Lake police officer arrived and escorted us to the Walled Lake Veterinary Hospital, where Dr. Steven Burns volunteered his services. He tenderly examined the woodchuck and treated it with euthanasia, sparing the agony it would have endured.

So, eight people out of several hundred thought to help. What does that say about people in general? To the people who truly helped, you give me hope. To the 96 percent who kept going, annoyed by this ordeal, shame on you. Your behavior and disregard for life is an example of one of the ills our society faces.

(link to Spinal Column article)

I too have gotten out of my car to get a woodchuck out of the road, but I don't think that was heroic nor that those who drove past were to be ashamed.  I just wanted to handle the whistle pig.

Enough already!

After a long, drawn out battle in the democratic primary, Hillary Clinton lost. She did, however, learn one thing: she is entitled to more power than she deserves. Now that cabinet selection time has come around, media and public alike are clamoring to hear her name mentioned as one of the appointees because she deserves it -- she just tried so hard out there. Somehow, winning a lot of support in a nomination contest requires that he who was victorious over you recognize your efforts and crown you with some other position. That is wrongheaded and backwards. Neither she nor John Kerry should become Secretary of State. George Patton had it right, I think: "Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser." At least that's how it used to be.

So the SOS isn't for her. Apparently, now she's not satisfied with her position in the Senate (click here for NYT article). Until the 1960s, the Senate was hierarchical and based on seniority. If the president starts changing congressional chairs and leaders, then we really haven't gotten rid of the spoils system after all, only moved it from the post office to the cabinet and Legislature. Politics is not an easy job. It's the worst job, but some people thrive on it. My suggestion is that when one finds themself complaining about the injustice of the inner workings of the political system, one should find themself a more just profession.

But driving her consideration, friends said, is a sense of disenchantment with the Senate, where despite her stature she remains low in the ranks of seniority that governs the body. She was particularly upset, they said, at the reception she felt she received when she returned from the campaign after collecting 18 million votes and almost becoming the first woman ever nominated for president by a major party.

“Her experience in the Senate with some of her colleagues has not been the easiest time for her,” said one longtime friend who insisted on anonymity in exchange for sharing Mrs. Clinton’s sentiments. “She’s still a very junior senator. She doesn’t have a committee. And she’s had some disappointing times with her colleagues.”

Train Sneaks Up On Area Man, Says 'Hello'

Sound absurd? It is.

College student hit by Green Line train

The 21-year-old unidentified student [later identified as Michael Cordo] crossed the tracks a few hundred yards from the Boston College stop. The student was rushed to Brigham & Women’s Hospital with head and leg injuries, but he was apparently conscious and talking when he was taken from the scene.

MBTA spokesman Joe Pesaturo said when the trolley’s operator saw the pedestrian, he sounded his horn but couldn’t avoid striking him.

“The operator blew his horn, but to no avail,” said Pesaturo, who characterized the pedestrian as “trespassing.”

The accident happened around 9:20 a.m., and riders were bused between the Boston College and Washington Street stops for several hours.

For those of you who don't live in the Boston area, the sound these trains make is similar to either a freight train horn or a bell ringing somewhere inside of your head (depending on if it's an old or a new tram car). This was a new car, thus a horn, which is significantly louder than the bell of the older trains. While the green line is part of the subway, it is street-level after getting out of the central, downtown area. In the area where this fellow failed to see or hear a train hurtling toward him, there is a gap in the fence that separates inbound and outbound tracks where one can cross over to the side of the road on which the BC campus is located. Many people do it and it's not a difficult task for most of them. Just so it's clear what Mr. Cordo failed to see, hear, or feel (the ground vibrates as a train nears), I will post a picture of it.
What the article fails to mention, which offers a reason for why Mr. Cordo didn't hear the train's horn, is that he was wearing headphones at the time. However, this leads me to wonder just how loud his music was! Another flaw has become inherent in the iPod movement. Now, apparently, no longer is it only not acknowledging a friend's hailing (which you fail to hear) that one is to worry about, but also being struck by large, public transit vehicles.

Sullivan's article:

Society is dead, we have retreated into the iWorld

What present comes in last place? Gift cards.

Who needs money when I can have a card valued at a certain amount at a particular store! Gift cards are not only impersonal, but also appear to not always be worth what is printed on them.

Long ago, maintenance fees -- those clauses concealed in small print that slowly ate up your $25 to Shoe Carnival without your knowledge -- were done away with. But, what can one do when the store to which one has a gift card is no longer there to honor it? Answer: whine, then nothing. I heard this story on NPR this morning while getting dressed:

Gift Card Warning: Check Retailer's Health

Two-thirds of shoppers plan to give gift cards this holiday season, making those little plastic cards the second most popular gift after clothes, according to a national survey by Consumer Reports.

But some experts warn that these gifts could be worthless if the current trend of retail bankruptcies continues.

Circuit City, which filed for bankruptcy protection last week, is still honoring its gift cards, as is Linens 'n Things. But other bankrupt companies, such as The Sharper Image, simply have stopped accepting the cards.

A fool's tale from this article:

A couple of years ago, the cable company where Kim Handloff works was offering bonuses in the form of gift cards. She had been planning to buy her boyfriend an expensive telescope, so she took her $1,500 bonus in gift cards from The Sharper Image. But she held on to them. In February, The Sharper Image filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection and eventually stopped accepting gift cards.

"I basically have about $1,500 worth of pieces of plastic that are going to get me absolutely nothing," says Handloff.

In your wallet right now, how many gift cards are there? (4 . ~10 until 4 months ago). How long has the oldest one been there? (5 years?). The point being that gift cards aren't as great of an idea as one might think.

A quarter of gift card recipients still haven't spent gift cards a year after receiving them, according to a Consumer Reports survey. And a majority of people say they end up spending more than the value of the card once they get to the store.

Who would have thought that The Onion would be so prophetic?

Instant asshole, just add alcohol.

I woke up last night at 4am to the loud choral singing of some Jimmy Buffet song by the frat-looking house behind my building.  This house was also visited by the police the night before, which prompted the loud commands of, presumably, the residents of the house:  "This is not a f@#*ing drill!  Get the f@#* out, now!"  Needless to say, I was surprised at their daring to host a loud gathering the night after being called upon by law enforcement.  Perhaps they don't remember it?  That said, it's really not a big deal. 

I easily went back to bed until 7:30 when I got up to go to CVS for milk to replace the sour milk in my refridgerator.  On the walk I discovered the following:

• The traffic cone outside of my building intending to mark part of the sidewalk to stay off of had been thrown into the hedge/garden of my building.


• Numerous beer cans/bottles/boxes were strewn all over the street.


• At least 3 free magazine and/or daily newspaper boxes had been tipped over and their contents spread over a large area of the sidewalk.

This is not normally the case.  What made last night different than any other night?  Night time football game.  At Michigan State, we didn't frequently have these due to past bad behavior -- probably a good idea.  Something about sports and alcohol really gets people riled up.  I say "people," but I really have a hard time envisioning a group of 19-24 year-old women doing these things -- for the most part.  Likewise, I can't see a mixed group of men and women doing these things. 

Something about the presense of a woman makes us men think a little bit more before being assholes.  At first, one might think tipping over a trash can will impress the female, but after doing so it becomes clear that the opposite is the case.  Perhaps the solution to University and City cleanliness is to be sure that men are with women, so that when we try and do something stupid, someone is there to call us an idiot and tell us to stop, since we apparently can't do it alone.

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